Why bother?

It's interesting how a day's events can wander from Halloween parades to flu pandemic concerns to the fragile state of marriages and relationships...

As I observe more and more marriages and relationships crumble, I am left wondering - why bother?  If ultimately many of us are in search of our true selves, why do we tangle other lives into our own?  How do we learn to balance our own needs with the needs of others - especially those we have make promises to and have invited into our lives by birth or by invitation?  At what point did we decide that committed relationships and families are actually disposable?  How bad do "things" have to be before we open the barn door and let the horses run out - never to return?  What is worth hanging on to, fighting for, preserving, cherishing, investing in?  What is powerful enough to allow us to decide not to hang on, not to fight, not to preserve, not to cherish, not to invest any more?

My thoughts are that all situations are positive, neutral or negative.  When there are children, families, extended families, social circles, financial structures, futures and expectations, "positive" is wonderful but surely "neutral" is tolerable.  If one's situation is truly negative (abusive, cruel, degrading, soul-destroying) then some sort of action is warranted - even if it ultimately means the demise of the relationship. 

I am a divorced person in a continuing high-conflict situation and have spent the past twelve years observing the toll it has taken on my children, my finances, my energy, my social life and my sanity.  In spite of being very happily remarried, I cannot erase the many, many negative effects on my children that their parents' decision not to continue in their marriage has had on them.  The event is long past but the children will carry the scars and stains for the rest of their lives. 

I would like to think that we, as a parenting generation, could all just grow up.  Who do we think we are?  How bad do we think our lives are?  What do we really expect from life and from others that we are not prepared to deliver ourselves?  Why was the previous generation so mature in their understanding of duty, obligation, and responsibility to others while we seem to be more interested in our understanding of duty, obligation and responsibility to ourselves?  It seems rather unfair to the next generation.  Actions do speak louder than words.  As our children mature into their own adult lives, will there be enough role models to assist them in their understanding of the depth and seriousness of the commitments that they will make some day - especially if they decide to start a family?  I am worried that many will simply say, "Why bother?"

Two simple words which rise as a challenge to all who would enter in relationship with others before they have taken the time to satisfy a healthy relationship with themselves.

Your somewhat disillusioned
Wondering Woman