What next?

My extended family is in a muddle.  I am finding it all to be very divisive in my conversations and my ponderings. 

I know that we are best served not to impose our values upon others, that our lives are "unfolding as they should", that none of us has the market on truth cornered, that we are all starring in the movies of our own lives, that "times have changed", that what's good for Jack may not be good for Jill...

Fine.  As we each bring our own experiences, points of view, knowledge, reflections, opinions and thoughts to any discussion or situation, naturally there will be differences.  We all operate with different needs, different motivations, different temperments, different codes, different understandings of what is true or what is right or what is good. 

I happen to bear a personality that places a high value on truth and respects the eternal wisdom that with freedom comes responsibility.  In recogniton of the fact that I am an adult role model for young people (I am both a parent and a teacher), I feel an even greater responsibilty to manage my conduct, my behaviours, my speech and my attitudes.  As I pay attention to those around me in all walks, I understand that my bar seems to be set a little high.  So...do I relax my moral standards or do I learn to cut people some slack?  I often feel isolated in my points of view, sometimes thinking it must simply be the plight of the first-born.  However, I have known many other first-borns in their respective family constellations who are not similarly afflicted - quite the opposite, in fact.  If not birth order, perhaps my views are a reflection of the temperment that I was born with - for better or worse.  There are not necessarily any answers to be had; rather, my task in the days and weeks ahead - particularly as we creep towards the socially- and emotionally-laden Christmas season, will be to strike the balance between honoring my feelings and experiences and honoring the feelings and experiences of those nearest and dearest to me.

My instincts at this time are to fall back, let the dust settle, keep my concerns and opinions to myself, and get on with my life- without ruffling any feathers along the way.  I am feeling this way in response to the fact that I am actually feeling very, very angry about the situation and the way that the adults involved are handling it.  And yet, who am I to throw stones from the front porch of my own glass house?  Ironically, I feel myself channeling the opinions of my (very opinionated) deceased father - whether I like it or not.  He would have had no tolerance for the situation that our extended family is dealing with and it would have been very clear to all.  In my bias, I sense that our larger family is dealing with issues and difficulties that scrape at the core of universal truths.  What is right?  What is honour?  What is loyalty?  What is duty?  What amount of self-indulgence is required to balance the needs of others with the need to satisfy the self and keep the "well" replenished?

Most of all, I am surprised by the strength of my feelings - perhaps because the situation is touching damaged nerves resulting from the demise of my own first marriage.  If nothing else, there is one thing that I continue to be reminded of, loudly and clearly:  I cannot cope with being lied to.  My prayers, thoughts, and support are available to those who need them, contingent on the requirement that I am afforded the dignity of being told the truth.  Otherwise, I choose to "mind my own beeswax".

Always,
Wondering Woman