Black and White

I have been saddled with a brain that likes to organize, categorize, systemize.  I do this at every opportunity throughout the day.  I have a need to take the colour grey and shift it one way or the other.  I accuse myself daily of rigid thinking, recognizing that it seems to be how I operate but that it is not a life-enhancing quality.

These difficulties are magnified at this time in my life by the fact that I live with a large number of people in a family system vastly different from my family of origin.  I presently operate in the role of 'mother' which I am finding to be fundamentally isolating and challenging within the family unit.  I believe that every social unit ends up with someone playing the mother role - and wishing he or she could be the father or one of the kids instead.  I accepted long ago that being a mother is generally a thankless slog-fest, joining the multitudes of women who came to the same conclusion long before I did.  I also accept that mothers operate as the sun or the axle, and the other family members rotate around the centre force that we provide.  Further, I completely accept that our children at least need to be able to fully take our being for granted so that they might launch their own lives from a stable platform.  All of that said, I am very glad that I am a mother.  The role has expanded me beyond myself.

Two thoughts have risen to the surface of late in my efforts to comprehend the multitudinous relationships that govern people.  The first is that people are either of the narcissistic persuasion or they are not.  Second, people are either of the impulsive 'live for the moment' persuasion or they are not.  We all then live within combinations of these two traits; e.g., the impulsive narcissist who is incapable of thinking beyond today or beyond him or herself, or the person of service who can and does plan, prepare and set goals, or the self-absorbed individual who competently plans for the future, or the unselfish giver who has great intentions but can never get his or her act together to execute anything.

I have been able to tease out causes of friction and difficulty between people as I explore the dynamic that happens when the self-absorbed work or co-exist with the service-driven individuals.  Similarly, there is little or no congruence between those who operate with rational thoughts and those who are driven by impulsivity and magical thinking.  One group is very black to the other group's white.  Getting to grey is hardly an option when behaviours are so much a part of the essence of who each person is.  These traits exist in different combinations within my immediate and extended family and are proving to be an increasing source of frustration to me (and probably to some of my family members near and far). 

I count on time, counsel and reflection to soften the walls of my thinking.  The family ranks are swollen given the ages and stages of the children.  This will subside.  I am definitely hoping to mellow with age.  I work hard to understand that we all are who we are and to govern my expectation of others and myself accordingly.

Figuring it all out, one day at a time,

Wondering Woman